You know how Santa sees you when you're sleeping, knows when you're awake? And how he knows if you've been bad or good? Santa knows when you don't finish your TBR pile in time or delay your scheduled bookish events. So, be good for goodness sake.

I have it on good authority because, if I'm being honest with you guys, I have a bromance going on with Mrs. Claus 'cos her name is also Jessica. And she told me over a glass of chocolate wine and gingerbread cookies last night that we're all likely on the naughty list, considering how badly we're slacking.

Oh, I'm surprised you guys read that far? I was mostly just talking out of my arse and kudos to you for making it this far. I had no idea where I was going with that introduction and I'm sure you didn't either. Really, I'm not smart enough to plan things and I don't seem to have enough motivation to fully improvise... whatever that was?

So, a few days, or weeks, or months, it's hard to remember, ago I was scrolling through the darling queen of wit, cake and pummeling you down with emotions (aka the Queen of book blogging herself over at Paper Fury) and stumbled upon her contribution to this tag. And I was like, OH! I must do this.

(This is kind of common. I always want to do All Things but never do because, who knows.) 

Obviously I didn't get to it very quickly but the important thing is I got here in the end, right? I think so, anyways. It's one of those rare occasions where I'm like, yes, self, I agree with you 100%. Which is wonderful because it saves me a headache.

According to a very wise t-shirt I once owned when I was 13 years old, from Abercrombie and Fitch, ugh, I am a "Naughty Little Elf" which is strangely fitting now that I think about it. I mean, it was totally inappropriate back in the day but I also had purple hair and basically dunked my face into a bucket of glitter every morning.

You can't trust me now, but you could trust me even less then. I'll let you be the judge of that but, I'll be real with you guys, I would walk the other way if I saw me coming around the corner.

After reading everyone's answers in this tag--the ones that I could get my paws all over, anyways--were so fun. I wanted to test that theory out for myself.

Am I still a Naughty Little Elf? Or am I an Absolutely Squeaky Clean Christmas Gnome? I just can't live with the suspense of it all anymore and need to know. (If someone knows what a Squeaky Clean Christmas Gnome even means, could you let me know? I'm beginning to think I have seven or twelve screws loose and haven't the faintest idea where that term even came from...)

It's TIME. 

RECEIVED AN ARC AND NOT REVIEWED IT
❁Verdict: NAUGHTY LITTLE ELF 

 

In my defense, I never said I was a good book blogger? BESIDES, IT'S ONLY A FEW BOOKS. I mean it counts but it doesn't. I swear. I have three ARCs on my vanity that I haven't cracked up and that I've had since May. I've had a weird couple of months, though, so at least I have a mildly valid excuse for having not read and reviewed them yet, and I swear I won't just continue to let them gather dust!

HAVE LESS THAN 60% FEEDBACK RATING ON NETGALLEY

❁Verdict: Squeaky Clean Christmas Gnome  

 

The only time my NetGalley rating dipped was when I was super sick a few years back and literally unable to function, let alone get online and review books. We don't talk about how low it got. I was pretty convinced I'd have gotten the boot from the site, however, I was able to pick up my slack and my score went back to normal. I have that nervous tick that would make me feel like I was conning my way into free books if my score dipped low, even though I wouldn't be.

 

RATED BOOK ON GOODREADS AND PROMISED FULL REVIEW…BUT NEVER DID IT
❁Verdict: Naughty Little Elf 

 

This isn't a super common thing and I've actually been trying to fix that the last couple of days! So, we're going to pretend I've never done that. I mean, we all collectively know better but--SH. 

FOLDED THE PAGE OF A BOOK
❁Verdict: Squeaky Clean Christmas Gnome 

 

Have I done this on accident? MAYBE. But, ah, it's another one of my nervous ticks. If my book is looking rough, I don't have those "Oh, it's just well loved," thoughts. NOPE I go straight into panic-mode and think, "Oh, God, it's RUINED. My life is ruined!" even though it's definitely not. 

 

You know, it's actually really weird because I don't ever think that way about anyone else's books, or if someone where to fold the pages of one of my books when borrowing it? It's just that when I do it, I get blindly annoyed with myself.  

 

ACCIDENTALLY SPILLED FOOD ON BOOK
❁Verdict: Squeaky Clean Christmas Gnome 

 

I'm honestly surprised that I never have because, like, 98% of my life is spent attached to a cup of coffee and I obviously consider that a FOOD GROUP (?) on its own.

 

But, I've never even accidentally spilled food on a book. Ever. Which is miraculous and just dumb luck, considering how clumsy I am. 

 

However, this one time, in high school, I was reading a copy of one of those Go Ask Alice (I think it was called Annie's Baby but I could be wrong) type of books when my friend spilled her fruit punch and soup on it by accident. (Very boring story of her just getting too into a conversation and knocking her lunch tray a little too roughly.)

 

First of all, ew. I hate fruit punch and the smell of it was A LOT. Because the only thing worse than the smell of fruit punch for me, is fruit punch mingled with chicken noodle soup. Second, my poor book who's ink was smeared by really gross punch and soup. 

 

I HAVEN'T FORGOTTEN.

DNF’D A BOOK THIS YEAR
❁Verdict: Naughty Little Elf 

 

I'll just let my list of DNF'd books speak for itself. I usually never DNF a book but this year I was just like, "I don't have TIME FOR THIS. Do you know who I am?!"on several occasions. Oops. I would link you guys to these titles on Goodreads but I want to avoid their pages as must as possible because it feels like the bookish equivalent of running into a one night stand in a coffee stained, neon green Donkey onesie and I am just not here for that. 

 

BOUGHT A BOOK PURELY BECAUSE IT WAS PRETTY WITH NO INTENTION TO READ IT
❁Verdict: Naughty Little Elf 

I mean, obviously I have no self control and obviously I'm a sucker for pretty books. So obviously I'm VERY guilty about this. The good news is they were mostly bargain or thrifty finds, so, that should totally count for something. I'm going to be better about this in 2019. And find those freaking "I am totes going to read this!" intentions I misplaced in 2018. I'll just show you two of my favourite "Ah, this is so pretty I'm buying you NOW without even glancing at your synopsis," picks.

 

READ INSTEAD OF DOING SOMETHING IMPORTANT
❁Verdict: Naughty Little Elf 

Okay, so, all book lovers are known to do this at least once. So! Don't judge me. Apparently sleep is, like, super important? I don't know. But, earlier this year, I had the bright idea that SLEEP IS FOR THE WEAK! and ended up staying up all night reading The Poet X. So, yeah. File that under: great life choices by Jessica.

Then there's little things from my teenage years. In middle school, I was pretty keen on not reading what I was supposed to during A.R. (I'm not sorry I'm picky) and would sneak in my Harry Potter books or the weird, fanfiction-like novels that Limited Too would produce instead. In high school, I vividly remember reading The Book Thief when I was supposed to be doing classwork in a three hour detention. 

Basically, I've always been the Queen of Reading Instead of Doing. I'd apologize but I'm not sorry. 

SKIM READ A BOOK
❁Verdict: Naughty Little Elf 

I don't do it often. 

But when I do, I definitely do it big.

FAILED YOUR GOODREADS GOAL
❁Verdict: Squeaky Clean Christmas Gnome 

I don't remember having failed it ever since I started to set goals. But, that could very well just be my memory messing with me! I really do have an odd time with my memory. It's very fickle. I think I'd remember failing something since I'm big on dwelling when it comes to, ah, failures. 

 

BROKE A BOOK BUYING BAN
❁Verdict: Naughty Little Elf 

I tried a book buying ban earlier this year. It worked out well for two whole days. Then I broke it. 

FINISHED A BOOK BUT DIDN’T ADD IT TO GOODREADS
❁Verdict: Squeaky Clean Christmas Gnome 

I CAN'T. I keep track of things there, it's the one part of my life I am fully in control over. I think this is another one of those, I might have done this by accident categories but I'm almost positive I have added all of the books I finish to Goodreads in real time.

 

LEFT A REVIEW TOO LONG AND FORGOT THE BOOK
❁Verdict: Naughty Little Elf 

One of my BIGGEST talents. My longest run of it was for a year. #killinit

Naughty Little Elf:
8. In this house we stan bad decisions.

Squeaky Clean Christmas Gnome:
5! I may look like a GNOME but I'm certainly not one this year. 

Because of the fact that this tag is probably quite old, I'm not going to directly tag anyone--but if you want to participate, please do!